Today marks 4 years of being married.
Seems like yesterday I woke up in my hotel room on the beach feeling nervous about “getting married”. I can say in the last 4 years, Nick and myself have gotten to really KNOW each other more than anything. I think the last year in itself has been the most challenging so far. In the last year Nick has taken a new job at Tesla that has shifted his quality of life, I shouldn’t say his, its affected all our lives. He commutes anywhere from 2-4 hours a day depending on the LA traffic. He works long hours, sometimes gets sent up to Northern CA to Tesla’s main factory for a week at a time. He doesn’t get to see the kids at all on some days, he leaves before they wake up and gets home when they are already put to bed. These are sacrifices he makes for US. He’s paid well, we have good health insurance, he has stock, and retirement options, options that when you have a family are a priority. So, of course sometimes in the last year when theres events and days we would love to have him join us, he can’t. Its not something I argue with him over, as I get to stay at home and be with our kids while he’s away from them. I fully support what he does. Lets be honest, some men just NEED to be working because when they’re home they get bored, and aren’t used to the chaos in the house. CHAOS, lots and lots of CHAOS. I’ve cried more this year then I have in a really long time. Raising kids is HARD. All my kids are so different, their ages are difficult ages to parent in that they are learning and absorbing so much. Orla and Nicholas are at ages where they are learning about their emotions, they are learning about consequences, they are learning to communicate. With that said my stress level has been through the roof on some days. I am human, therefore I need someone to unleash my emotions on, who better than my husband who works all day? That’s when the “YOU DONT GET IT” conversations happen, and the “YOU SHOULD STAY HOME ONE DAY AND SEE HOW CRAZY IT CAN BE” conversations happen, sometimes heated, sometimes not. Nick and I have always seemed to be able to communicate good for the most part. We are flawed, we aren’t perfect, but we always apologize to one another. We always end up hearing each other out and figuring shit out even in some of our biggest disagreements. Disagreements happen often in marriage. It’s inevitable its what makes people different. Over the last year one of our biggest issues has been co-parenting. He has his opinions and concerns with some of the battles I’ve had with it this year, which he’s entitled to. Nick is far more sensitive than myself, he’s a man so he has a different perspective than I, and he has different expectations than I do. I always respect his opinion but I’m the one who’s going through the issue first hand. Its left me stuck in this “gray area” many times where I’ve felt conflicted and frustrated. I have to deal with 2 men that are very different, both I have kids with , and both have VERY different views. I wouldn’t wish co-parenting on anyone on some days. At one time it was so easy, until you get blinded sided. It doesn’t matter how many times I get back stabbed or feel hurt and disappointed when it comes to co-parenting, its been happening for 7 years. I have gotten over the expectation that anything will change. But, you know who sees my hurt, my tears, my anger, my frustration, and the immense love I have for my child, MY HUSBAND does. So when I start to get confused as to why he’s so mad while I’m so sad it always dawns on me, why that is. One thing is certain both Nick and myself will always try our best to give Pella the best life, she deserves that. Its all about her. Granted there will be times that are negative, but it could always be worse. If this is ONE thing we “really” have heated passionate arguments about, well then I think we have it pretty good. We could have far worse problems and issues. Its just one of those things that some people have to deal with, and unfortunately it can affect the marriage sometimes. I find that the things we argue about as a couple are the some of the characteristics in Nick I have grown to love about him. He will ALWAYS fight for me. He will ALWAYS stand by me, He will always SUPPORT me. He will ALWAYS listen to me. I am Lucky.
Aside from the things that bring us sadness and frustration at times there are also plenty of fulfilling things that have happened in the last year. Like, our road trip we took together to Arizona. We don’t get to spend a whole lot of time together away from the kids so on the rare occasions him and I can get away for a couple days to enjoy one another, it makes my heart full. It reminds me of all reasons I married this man. We’ve had a spa day together. We spent a weekend in central CA exploring with no pun intended. We’ve had many sushi dates. We’ve seen a handful of movies. We make it a point to be with each other when we can, and do things together we both enjoy. We will always have those things, and times that bring us together. Life is crazy, having kids is crazy and if we can continue to find balance in all the crazy I KNOW we will have many more years of marriage and happiness together. I was someone that stuck out to him via social media that he pursued longer than I would have. I am grateful he did. I am happy we found each other. Happy 4 year Anniversary.
4 DOWN MANY TO GO. I love you Nicholas.